whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Randomize
