I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
