shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
