just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
