He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
