I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
