Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I need mimosas to revive my soul
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
