Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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