he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
