Kareoke will never be a sober sport
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
