her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
