jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
