So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
