your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
