hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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