she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
