i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize