I swear she didn't look like that last week.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
