How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
