At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
