nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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