She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
My feet surprised me
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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