dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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