Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
