got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
