I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Randomize
