I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
