Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
