I think my fart just growled at me.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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