that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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