we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
