the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
