Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
