he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
