just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
