she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
