can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
