it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
