if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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