dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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