so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
