I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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