Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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