sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
