She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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