benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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