I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
