her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
