Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
