On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
