Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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