After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
