I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize
